Howdy, Farmhands!
There's nothing quite like shopping in a TTRPG. Unburdened by the logistics of transporting goods or price fluctuations as the economy burns down around you, spending a session or downtime hitting the medieval fantasy mall is as much a power fantasy as casting a spell or punching a guy real good. Better bloggers than I have written at length about the mathematics and sociology of partaking in fictional capitalism, so I'm not even going to bother. Instead, I bring unto you a d20 table of details your players will notice when they approach the next merchant with wares to hock. Maybe the staff is unfriendly, and the goods on the shelf less than ideal, but goddamn if they won't remember their time spent here.
Until Next time,
Farmer Gadda
| What's Neat About This Merchant Stall? |
| 1 |
Wacky-Wavy Inflatable Tube Man |
| 2 |
Sign Spinner, paid minimum wage |
| 3 |
Textboard Feud with the business across the street |
| 4 |
Fursuit Mascot offering Pictures |
| 5 |
Gigantic Bronze effigy of a Beaver |
| 6 |
Partnering with Kid Scout Cookies |
| 7 |
Bright neon signage, mistaken for the moon |
| 8 |
A large Bell that is rung every hour on the hour |
| 9 |
Novelty Windmill |
| 10 |
A Roadside Billboard |
| 11 |
A full Brass Band |
| 12 |
They're firing T-shirt Cannons at Passersby |
| 13 |
They've hired an Aircraft to fly around with a banner saying "Shop At x" |
| 14 |
Blinking Neon Lights |
| 15 |
"Now with Indoor Plumbing!" |
| 16 |
It's Happy Hour |
| 17 |
Brand new Car in the Display Window |
| 18 |
Offering Free Pony Rides |
| 19 |
Buy 1, Get 2 Golfballs |
| 20 |
Contract with the Mafia. You better not shop anywhere else. |
This post and others like it are made possible by members of my Patreon, where you can see Game WIPs and Previews of future blogposts a week early! Thank you in particular to Serket for your continued support!
Howdy, Farmhands!
Have you ever heard of "Free Will?"
I make these d20 lists while I'm bored at work, believe it or not. They're a quick and simple way to pass the time, and they technically double as prep for future blog posts, though I try to space out the release of them to be between Actual Blogs so I don't make a name for myself as "A Much Shittier Ktrey". It was during one of these sessions that it occurred to me how one could make a list out of anything and, with a proper trigger, be bound to the result on that list. The sudden euphoria of witnessing all creation unfold before me hit like a truck and I immediately made the choice to just... blog out my grocery list one day. Like no joke, this is what was on my phone to pick up during my next Aldi run. And now it's yours. When should you roll on this list? Honestly, whenever you don't have another list handy. Forget to come up with a list of "Stuff the Bandits Want?" Roll on this list. Neglected to put loot in tonight's dungeon and can't find your treasure tables? Roll on this list. Does the new NPC need a catchphrase to endear themselves to the party? Don't look now but I think there's a list right below this paragraph for that exact purpose. You can thank me later.
Until Next Time,
- Farmer Gadda
| Things On My Grocery List |
| 1 |
Tinfoil |
| 2 |
Eggs |
| 3 |
Almond Milk |
| 4 |
Frozen Pizzas (Stuffed Crust) |
| 5 |
Peanut Butter |
| 6 |
Water Softener Salt |
| 7 |
French Vanilla Coffee Creaqmer |
| 8 |
Cranberry Ginger Ale |
| 9 |
Kitchen Sponges |
| 10 |
Memory Gel Shoe Inserts |
| 11 |
RGB TV Cable |
| 12 |
Christmas Tree Scent-sicles |
| 13 |
USB Charging Cable |
| 14 |
Yeast Rolls |
| 15 |
Korean Corn Dogs |
| 16 |
Seasonal Candle (NOT Apple) |
| 17 |
Dry Cat Food |
| 18 |
Sports Drink (Blue Flavor) |
| 19 |
Ground Turkey |
| 20 |
Broccoli |
This post and others like it are made possible by members of my Patreon, where you can see Game WIPs and Previews of future blogposts a week early! Thank you in particular to Serket for your continued support!
This post and others like it are made possible by members of my Patreon, where you can see Game WIPs and Previews of future blogposts a week early! Thank you in particular to Nebula Bash for your continued support!Howdy, Farmhands!
Among the many ways I "failed" at traditional masculinity as a child, (as much as any one can do so, mind. Gender roles are bullshit!) I never became A Car Guy. While many a youth saw the wheels and hubcaps and fenders and was overcome with a desire to get behind the wheel, I couldn't really care less. I consider motor vehicles to be not unlike horses. Mysterious creatures I am to respect from afar, but never understand. The primary difference is that a car isn't born with hatred in it's heart.
Vehicles feature in TTRPGS sometimes. That's the segue I'm going with here, just accept it. Vehicles feature in TTRPGS sometimes, so here's a D20 list to roll on whenever one appears to make it distinctive. Maybe your players will think the extra pizazz makes it desireable enough to purchase or heist? Maybe the vehicle isn't even one you'd expect it to be! Your Packmule is a vehicle of sorts! Those Eagles Gandalf called were technically "A Ride." Imagine if they'd rolled up with (rolls on the below table) A Bike Rack. One does not simply Mountain Bike their way into Mordor.
Until Next Time,
Farmer Gadda
| How Tricked Out is this Ride? |
| 1 |
The Horn plays 'La Cucaracha' |
| 2 |
Pair of Fuzzy Dice hangs from somewhere |
| 3 |
There's a Luau Bobble Head |
| 4 |
A Wizard has been Spray Painted on the side |
| 5 |
Carpeted (Shag) |
| 6 |
Bull Horns as a Hood Ornament |
| 7 |
It's a Convertible |
| 8 |
There's a DVD Player in the Backseat |
| 9 |
Lifted Suspension (for compensating) |
| 10 |
A Bike Rack |
| 11 |
Political Bumper Sticker |
| 12 |
Theme park Annual Pass Magnet |
| 13 |
Rainbow Underglow |
| 14 |
Ultra Violet High Beam Head Lights |
| 15 |
Comedically Large Race Car Spoiler |
| 16 |
Lambo Doors (they open UP) |
| 17 |
Chromed Rims |
| 18 |
Tinted Windows |
| 19 |
A button labeled "NITRO." |
| 20 |
Truck Nuts |
